Friday, February 26

i want

i want coffee on an old wooden table in the morning sunlight, wrapped in a blanket as i wait for the sun to warm the world.
i want leafy weeping trees, green and yellow and good for climbing.
i want air and steps and large windows that face the east and windows that face the west because you can't make me choose between the two.
i want chipped and weathered paint and a hammock under my weeping trees.
i want a lake or an ocean and a wooden boat who's name i have a say in, and those big adirondack chairs on my porch that wraps all the way around.
but most of all, i want coffee in the morning on an old wooden table, under a big knitted blanket
and the arm of someone who loves me
wrapped around my waist.

(image here)

Thursday, February 25


to all the rain

"then they all lit cigarettes, and the
red, glowing ends burned like the
tiny campfires we lit at night 
back at the beginning of the world."

—Sharon Olds, "Summer Solstice, New York City" 

Monday, February 22

love is greater than

"we don't usually know why things happen, but when we look back on them, we can see that they usually happened for a reason."

"line up 12 people, and there's always gonna be 6 that agree with you and 6 that don't."

"you can't live your life constantly searching for other people's approval."

-thank God for my mom, the only one who can ever talk sense into me.

"those were the good old days, when we had everything but money" - this american life

Saturday, February 20

the song i will never get over

You cool your bed-warm hands down on the broken radiator,
And when you lay them freezing on me, I mumble "can you wake me later?"
But I don't really want you to stop and you know it so it doesn't stop you
And run your hands from my neck to my chest

Crack the shutters open wide, I wanna bathe you in the light of day
And just watch you as the rays tangle up around your face and body
I could sit for hours finding new ways to be awed each minute
Cuz' the daylight seems to want you just as much as I want you

It's been minutes, it's been days, it's been all I will remember
Happy lost in your hair and the cold side of the pillow
Your hills and valleys are mapped by my intrepid fingers
And in a naked slumber, I dream all this again

Crack the shutters open wide, I wanna bathe you in the light of day
And just watch you as the rays tangle up around your face and body
I could sit for hours finding new ways to be awed each minute
Cuz' the daylight seems to want you just as much as I want you

Crack the shutters open wide, I wanna bathe you in the light of day
And just watch you as the rays tangle up around your face and body
I could sit for hours finding new ways to be awed each minute
Cuz' the daylight seems to want you just as much as I want you 

crack the shutters by snow patrol

and you wouldn't believe how much i've been craving this place

images via etc

Wednesday, February 17

the way i'll miss you

I want to erase your footprints
from my walls. Each pillow
is thick with your reasons. Omens 

fill the sidewalk below my window: a woman
in a party hat, clinging
to a tin-foil balloon. Shadows 

creep slowly across the tar, someone yells, "Stop!"
and I close my eyes. I can't watch 

as this town slowly empties, leaving me
strung between bon-voyages, like so many clothes
on a line, the white handkerchief 

stuck in my throat. You know the way Jesus 

rips open his shirt
to show us his heart, all flaming and thorny,
the way he points to it. I'm afraid 

the way I'll miss you will be this obvious. 

I have a friend who everyone warns me
is dangerous, he hides
bloody images of Jesus
around my house, for me to find 

when I come home; Jesus
behind the cupboard door, Jesus tucked 

into the mirror. He wants to save me
but we disagree from what. My version of hell
is someone ripping open his shirt 

and saying, Look what I did for you. . . 

—Nick Flynn, "Emptying Town"

oohh i love this poem. especially the part in bold. because really, it's nice to have known someone worth missing

i'm so happy the olympics are on because 1. i love the olympics and 2. it gives me something to do, seeing as i gave up facebook for lent and suddenly have a lot of free time on my hands (and i've only been facebookless for 24 hours. i feel so freee)

im also happy shaun white won the gold. i didn't wanna jump on his bandwagon but WHO CARES I CALL WAGON SHOTGUN he is SO talented. and cute.

i reallyreally want this coat!

it'd go nicely with the green aviators i bought today with all my free time and bundles of money

Tuesday, February 16

stay gold, ponyboy

via etc

“ How can a woman be expected to be happy
with a man who insists on treating her as if
she were a perfectly normal human being. "
Oscar Wilde

Monday, February 15

morning surprises

My Cockroach Lover

The summer I slept
on JC's couch,
there were roaches
between the bristles
of my toothbrush,
roaches pouring
from the speakers
of the stereo.
A light flipped on
in the kitchen at night
revealed a Republican
national Convention
of roaches,
an Indianapolis 500
of roaches.

One night I dreamed
a giant roach
leaned over me,
brushing my face
with kind antennae
and whispering, "I love you."
I awoke slapping myself
and watched the darkness
for hours, because I realized
this was a dream
and so that meant
the cockroach
did not really love me.

-Martin Espada

The Space Heater

On the then-below-zero day, it was on,
near the patients' chair, the old heater
kept by the analyst's couch, at the end,
like the infant's headstone that was added near the foot
of my father's grave. And it was hot, with the almost
laughing satire of a fire's heat,
the little coils like hairs
 in Hell.
And it was making a group of sick noises-
I wanted the doctor to turn it off
but I couldn't seem to ask, so I just
stared, but it did not budge. The doctor
turned his heavy, soft palm

outward, toward me, inviting me to speak, I
said, "If you're cold-are you cold? But if it's on
for me..." He held his palm out toward me,
I tried to ask, but I only muttered,
but he said, "Of course," as if I had asked,
and he stood up and approached the heater, and then
stood on one foot, and threw himself
toward the wall with one hand, and with the other hand
reached down, behind the couch, to pull
the plug out. I looked away,
I had not known he would have to bend
like that. And I was so moved, that he
would act undignified, to help me,
that I cried, not trying to stop, but as if
the moans made sentences which bore
some human message. If he would cast himself toward the
outlet for me, as if bending with me in my old
shame and horror, then I would rest
on his art-and the heater purred, like a creature
or the familiar of a creature, or the child 
of a familiar,
the father of a child, the spirit of a father,
the healing of a spirit, the vision
 of healing,
the heat of vision, the power of heat,
the pleasure of power.

-Sharon Olds

when i woke up yesterday, there was a cockroach on my box of tissues.
in other news, i got a space heater, and now i'll be warm until summer.

Sunday, February 14

Hey, what else can we do now?

Except roll down the window and let the wind blow back your hair

Saturday, February 13


[sketchbook, pen & ink + watercolor]

Mon enfant! I give you my hand!
I give you my love, more precious than money,
I give you myself, before preaching or law;
Will you give me yourself? will you come travel with me?
Shall we stick by each other as long as we live?

[Walt Whitman, excerpt from Song of the Open Road]

my mama is here for the weekend!

Thursday, February 11


though i like a lot of their clothes, i think American Apparel ads are ridiculous.
just saying.

ok now that that's out there...

 i'm not big into fashion, but i was extremely shocked and saddened to hear about the death of Alexander McQueen today. i get so emotional when i hear of amazing young talents who took their life (for example - DJ AM - i was never even a follower of his work, but i was heartbroken to hear that he died, especially the way that he did). i spend days reading articles, blogs, websites, news clippings, friend's words - anything to uncover more about a person's life whom i've never known personally and never will know.

which gets me thinking, what if i do achieve my dreams of becoming a well-known, and more importantly well-respected, artist/writer/philanthropist/astronomer/cowboy/talent/whatever, and what if i die - and only then people who i've never known and never will know discover who i am? i'm not saying it's a bad thing, i'm not really saying's just weird to think about. i think. i don't know.

sometimes i don't say enough and sometimes i talk too much.

Rest in peace, Lee Alexander McQueen.

Sunday, February 7

i'm with you in rockland

every so often, when i have more than a few minutes free, i reread my favorite poems.

one of them is "howl" by allen ginsberg.

it's cold

some of my favorite moments
in the day

are when i hear strange noises
that sound like
a tea kettle
or faraway bells
or hammering
even burning

coming from my radiator

because that means
the heat
is coming

Friday, February 5

things i love

i always love portraits of pablo picasso

and (since i'm late to the game when it comes to pretty much everything) i've just discovered etsy.

i hope my first-ever etsy orders get safely to my house. they're so pretty. and they look fragile. ahh im nervous.

my passion for film has been occupying everything i do lately, especially stop motion and other animated films.

here is one i'm enthralled by - "Going West" by Maurice Gee for the NZ Book Council:

and here is a stop motion that i love - "Western Spaghetti" by PES:

i'm too lazy right now to get the picture off my phone and on to the computer, but my mom sent me a bunch of pictures this morning of all the snow we got at home - 18 inches and still snowing! it was so pretty.

i can't wait for valentines day weekend because my mama will be here! the only valentine i neeeeeed<3

Tuesday, February 2

old man style

"Old Man Style is hard to beat. Gentlemen of a certain generation learned how to wear their clothes not let their clothes wear them."

(and so many many more)

i especially love the personalities in the last two portraits. 

quote and images via The Sartorialist

Monday, February 1

i can't stop. you know how when you read something and you feel understood? it's like that.

"The first step — especially for young people with energy and drive and talent, but not money — the first step to controlling your world is to control your culture. To model and demonstrate the kind of world you demand to live in. To write the books. Make the music. Shoot the films. Paint the art."

wish sleep wasn't so necessary

"Leonardo's Mona Lisa is just a thousand thousand smears of paint. Michelangelo's David is just a million hits with a hammer. We're all of us a million bits put together the right way."

"My goal is to create a metaphor that changes our reality by charming people into considering their world in a different way."

i could read chuck palahniuk quotes all night. and if i don't stop myself soon, i will.