Wednesday, March 30

cue jack johnson song to cheer the world up

something is UP with me today. i can't claim the always handy time-of-the-month excuse, or the crappy-weather excuse either, as today was sunny and finally a little warmer. i've just been a sensitive sally these past few days.

i have this thing
a complex?
i dont know
but i gather all the weight of the world (cliché but what else to use when it's true?) i listen to the news–not literally the nighttime news, that makes me too sad so i had to stop watching, but i listen to everyone's worries thoughts and problems–and i make it my news, my worries thoughts and problems.
i don't mean to
it's not me
it's my brain, which has always been so mean to me
i'm not depressed so don't try and diagnose me. i'm a happy person
but the world makes me so sad sometimes
especially when bad really shitty things happen to good great people.

i had a job interview today

and when i got home i fell on my floor and sobbed
because i found out 5 days ago that one of my favorite teachers–and his wife–both have cancer. they have an 18 mo. old daughter, too. i was sad since i heard, but it took five days for that to soak in with the rest of the weight of the world in my brain and render me physically unable to function.

after a little while (as we all manage, eventually) i vacuumed the puddle of myself off the floor, dried my face, and caught my breath.

[to read an article about Nathan and Elisa situation, see here. to read their blog where they courageously post updates that will have you laughing and crying and straight up rooting for them, see here.]

Nathan is an amazing teacher and person. His wife is hilarious, witty, and equally amazing as i gather from their blog. And their daughter, Sadie, is downright gorgeous. 

it's like the beginning of Sleepless in Seattle, when tom hanks tells their 6 year old son at his wife's funeral, (something along the lines of:)  
"the truth is we don't know why bad things happen. if you try to figure it out, you'll drive yourself crazy"

so i'm reminding myself that everything happens for a reason. and yes i truly believe that. and i'm also reminding myself that positive thoughts and energy really do make a difference. i've seen it in my own life when my mom was sick. so i'm sending ALL my  p o s i t i v e  t h o u g h t s  to the Bond family and all those who need it. stay strong.

now i reallyyyy have to go read or i realllyyy will fail. school is starting to seem so trivial, like there is so much more i should be doing for others and for the world rather than sitting in a class room talking about doing something, or worse, talking about stuff other people have done. but that's for another day, i guess. for now, i leave you with {{{postive vibes}}} and a BIG smile. lots of them actually. and all my love. i mean it.

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