Sunday, May 5

sunday night muse

last saturday morning was one of those rare perfect spring ones that are particularly special in NYC, when the sun is already warm before noon and no matter if you're bare armed or in a jacket, you're body temperature is right there with baby bear's porridge: just right.

in the span of an hour, i got to enjoy that morning in three different cities. i woke up in brooklyn, met a friend in manhattan, and by noon was back in my apartment in jersey city.

i have an almost compulsive habit of asking people, even ones i've just met, what their dream job would be if they could do anything in the whole world. so that morning, still sleep drunk in brooklyn, i asked a new friend what their ideal job would be. one remarkable thing i've taken away from this weird habit is that never once have i received any variation of "i'd just be rich, and sit on my ass doing nothing all day..."

for every one who's told me something like "i want to be in a job that helps people, but also lets me afford groceries" – why is this something only attainable in this early morning hypothetical ideal world? i can't figure out why it's so accepted that chasing dreams is such a difficult thing–especially when it comes to selfless and compassionate goals. many of my friends are teachers, social workers, nurses, artists, writers–all working towards their goals, their dream life, just as i am, and also just like me, they get discouraged and think the universe is sometimes saying "you have to choose between being happy this way and being happy that way–you can't have both. but it should not be so difficult. i hate that we are made to choose.

i hope no one's expecting this to go anywhere...i'm just musing. i have no answers. i'm just nervous about finding a job after graduation, while the only thing i really want to do is tell true stories for the rest of my life. i want to make people's lives better and i want to afford groceries. i refuse to choose between the two. i'm nervous and excited.

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